either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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