Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
