glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
