so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
