I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
