FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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