If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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