i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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