the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
