Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Never underestimate the power of titties
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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