drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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