I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
