After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
