so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
