there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
