You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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