Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
