What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
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