I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
