At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Randomize
