I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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