I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
