Already got asked if we're dating
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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