There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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