this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
