I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
