Im at strip club and am horny
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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