i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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