can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
