Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
