Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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