so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
