Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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