we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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