so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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