nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
