dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
