I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
