so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
it's great music for shaving your balls
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize