Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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