WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
