I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
