Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize