Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
