he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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