I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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