Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize