It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
