she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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