please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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