so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
