Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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