yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
