That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
