i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
