Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
