Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
