batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
