I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
