You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
