Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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