if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just found puke in my bra..
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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