Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize