'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize