just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
