I have demons in me.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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