Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize