Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Who died my cat blue again?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
