a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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